Weirdo Gifts for the Holidays

Breathalyzer Pens, Robot Mice, Cursing Car Alarms and More

By Buck Wolf

Dec. 3, 2002 --   Hard pressed for holiday gift ideas? You've come to the right place.

Once again, The Wolf Files has combed the Internet and consulted personal shoppers for offbeat holiday gift ideas.

"A sense of humor is more important than ever, because we've all had it rough this year," says Amelia Ostroff of

"If you can make people laugh, it's more important than ever."

With that in mind, here's a look at some of the stranger gifts that might be in Santa's sack.

Holiday Gift Guide

1. Rejection Business Cards — How do you get rid of that annoying guy at the bar? If you're sending your daughter off to college, maybe she needs Rejection Business Cards from

These bogus business cards are the perfect way to get rid of an overaggressive guy. You just give him one of these cards, and he thinks he has your telephone number … until he calls the next day and gets this recording:

"Hello, this is not the person you were trying to reach … I know this sucks, but don't be too devastated … Maybe you are not this person's type … Maybe you're a general loser … Maybe you give off that creepy stalker vibe. … Maybe the idea of going out with you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns."

Perhaps that's harsh, but some guys really need it spelled out.

You get 250 Rejection Business Cards for only $20, and they can be printed with a real or phony name. The cards will indicate that the person hold a position at Noitcejer Technologies. (For you really dense gents, Noitcejer is "rejection" spelled backward.)

2. Inflatable Speakers — Whether they're talking about cars, stock portfolios or parts of their anatomy, macho guys love to brag, "Mine's bigger!" But when it comes to cell phones and electronic toys, a manly man wants to hear a lady say, "Wow! That's really small."

If size really matters to your guy, massage his ego with inflatable speakers that blow up just like a beach ball.

Once inflated, the plastic skin on Ellula Hot Air Speakers ( acts as the resonating service for a state-of-the-art flat-panel sound system. Available for under $50, the balloon-like speakers fit in a backpack and take up no more room than an overstuffed sandwich. All the girls are sure to say, "That guy's got a real small one!"