Hard-to-Find Holiday Gifts for Hard-to-Please People

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Jack Daniels Barrel If you’re only having one this Christmas, how’s this: a 500-pound barrel of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, straight from the distillery with your name on it. It yields 5,160 shots. For a mere $7,500, it’s the answer for the ultimate keg party. “The barrel won’t be completely full. Some of the contents evaporates in the aging process,” says spokesman Rob Hoskins. “We call that part the angels’ share.” Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Jack Nicholson or the ghost of Dean Martin.

Portable Toilet Handle

Here’s a $3.95 stocking stuffer for the germ phobe in your life: It’s a portable clip that allows any potty dancer to easily lift the seat or lid without ever touching the toilet. The easy-to-conceal Hopper Popper slips into a purse or portable case. Just in case you are not yet afraid of public restrooms, company literature quotes from health department documents indicating the following diseases can be contracted when hands come into contact with infected toilet seats: E. coli, cryptosporidiosis, giardiasis, hepatitis A, shigellosis and campylobacter. Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Tom Green

Home Weatherman Kit Everybody likes to talk about the weather. Especially at Christmas. Now you really can with the WS-2000 WeatherStation, a fully integrated, $990 sensor system that calibrates wind, temperature, relative humidity, and barometric pressure and links up with the National Institute of Standards and Technology. You’ll soon be ready to do the five-day forecast on local TV. Bad toupee and stilted jokes not included. Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Al Roker or Tony Perkins.

Buck Wolf is a producer at The Wolf Files is a weekly feature. If you want to receive weekly notice when a new column is published, join the e-mail list.