Hard-to-Find Holiday Gifts for Hard-to-Please People

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For those of you who want to be really close to your kitty, you two can share the seat with just a push of the button. The gizmo sells for $99.95 and comes with a training video. Not a bad deal, if you consider the average cat owner goes through $3,000 of litter over the life of his or her pet. Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Ben Stiller.

Bulletproof Briefcase What do you buy that potty-mouthed rapper pal who insists on kicking with his well-armed homiez, yet won’t compromise on style? How about a $1,600 Kevlar-lined, bulletproof Montblanc briefcase. Maybe if Eminem had one of these babies, he wouldn’t be losing his Britney Spears notebooks with the lyrics for his next album. Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Puff Daddy.

Portable Cotton Candy Machine Now you can be a carnie in your very own home. For year-round amusement park enjoyment, the 30-Second Cotton Candy Maker turns a tablespoon of sugar into teeth-rotting junk food in just 30 seconds Suggested celebrity endorsement: Rosie O’Donnell.

Entire Buffalo

Mother always told you not to waste food. Now you’re an adult perpetually teetering on a full-blown eating disorder. It’s payback time. Buy her an entire buffalo, head and hide included. It’s butchered, portioned and shipped to order for $15,000. “The skin makes for good slippers and the head is good for mounting,” says Heartland Buffalo spokeswoman Vicki Garfinkel. You can actually eat dinner and gaze proudly over the fireplace to lock eyes with your supper.

For those of you who keep score, an entire buffalo yields 20 filet mignon steaks, 40 New York strip steaks, 40 rib eye steaks, two standing rib roasts, 100 pounds of buffalo hot dogs, 100 pounds of ground burger, 50 pounds of minute steak, 50 pounds of fajita meat and 40 pounds of London broil.

Don’t worry about the beast rotting under the Christmas tree — Heartland Buffalo will ship it over to you in 20-pound increments. Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Ted Nugent.

Foldable Lamp What do you get your weirdo New York City friends who have no creature comforts in the roach-infested shoebox they call home? They have nothing and nowhere to put it. Well, this foldable, moldable lamp fits into any crack in the wall. Suggested celebrity endorsement: Sarah Jessica Parker.