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‘I Don’t Drink, I Don’t Smoke’

Curtis says he doesn’t advocate drug use, even though his Web site — PrivacyPro.com — links to marijuana advocacy sites. In fact, becoming his company’s chief urine supplier has required him to live squeaky clean.

“I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t even use prescription drugs,” he says. “Since I supply urine to thousands of customers, I think there is no doubt, I’ve passed more drug tests than any other person in America.”

The kits come complete with a chemically reactive heat source and monitoring system that allows you to foil the temperature-sensitive strip many test centers attach to specimen cups.

”You don’t want to leave a ‘fresh’ 40-degree urine sample,” Curtis says. “That makes ’em suspicious.”

Your parents might have warned you not to refreeze hamburger. But Curtis says he supplies enough urine for two tests. Just pop any unused urine back into the ice box. Curtis says, “It’ll stay fresh forever.”

Labs have caught workers going to all extremes to cheat on drug tests. People have been caught using dog urine and dehydrated urine. But there have been no reports yet of cheaters being caught using Curtis’s device.

Insurance companies specializing in worker’s compensation say that if cheaters become more sophisticated, random testing will become more prevalent.

Senator Faces Tinkle Jokes

Right now, the law Curtis is challenging prohibits him from selling to customers in his home state. “But if someone needs to protect their privacy,” he says. “They’ll find a way.”

The American Civil Liberties Union opposes drug testing, but has not yet come to Curtis’s aid. If Curtis loses, and he appeals, that could change.

Both Curtis and Thomas has enjoyed a small slice of celebrity thanks to the urine-peddling controversy. “I’ve been in state politics 16 years, I’ve worked on issues involving the penal system, and this is the issue that has gotten the biggest headlines,” says Thomas, 51.