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Nothing spoils a relationship like crowding your beloved. That's why Gentle Giant offers 10 percent Valentine's Day Warehouse discounts. You can rent a 5-by-7-by-7-foot space for less than $740 a year, with the first month free.

For an extra fee, I suspect Gentle Giant will make your boyfriend's eBay treasures disappear into the black hole of bachelordom. I recommend inquiring discreetly.

If You're Haunted by a Former Lover …

It's hard to look out for No. 1, especially if you're spouse No. 2, and your husband doesn't have one picture of himself without his ex-wife. In the old days, that's why they had things like matches. These days, we have PhotoShop.

In the burgeoning industry of "photo album makeovers," scrapbook artists like Marilyn Heywood Paige of Philadelphia use digital computer manipulation and a good old-fashioned pair of scissors to make your husband's ex-wife disappear, faster than you can say, "my alimony is in arrears."

Page says rates range from $15 to $60 a page, and her work is so clean your husband will never know what's missing.

If You're Getting the Cold Shoulder …

You fight fire with fire. But what do you do when your lover gives you the cold shoulder? Teach him what's it really means to be cold — send him to Canada's famous "Ice Hotel."

Just outside Quebec City, this hotel is essentially a 32-room igloo, featuring walls, columns, furniture and massive chandeliers — all carved from blocks of ice.

You'll agree it's a once-in-a-life experience when you wake up in the morning to face an ice toilet seat.

"That ought to teach a guy what cold really means," says Laurie Graff, author of You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs (Red Dress).

"Your lover is either going to learn to rub noses like an Eskimo or he'll get a dose of his own medicine," says Graff.