Wolf Files: Goofy Father's Day Gifts

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5. For 'Fat Elvis' Dad: The King's Singing Cookie Jar

If Atkins isn't deflating your plump papa, he might need a life lesson from Elvis, who, in his later years, may have been referring to both his female fans and his prodigious gut when he sang "All Shook Up."

Now dad can be reminded of that classic hit each time he lifts the cover of the Elvis Singing Cookie Jar, available for $94 from Royal Appointments in Northbrook, Illinois. What better way to honor your King and still let him know that it's time to look after his rapidly expanding royal heinie?

6. For 'Wiseacre" Dad: Jackie 'The Joke Man' Martling's Insult Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's got the fattest head of all? Just ask Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling's Insult Mirror.

If you ever wondered what became of Howard Stern's former sidekick, he's now the voice in a novelty window that automatically spews abuse. Step in front of it and you'll hear, "If I had a face like that, I'd shave my butt and walk on my hands," or, "That face could give Freddie Krueger nightmares." In all, you get 67 insults for under $20. If you're paying for such abuse, at least you're getting a bargain.