(Page 2 of 2)

Of course, handouts are never the answer. And America must stop turning to people like Oprah for solutions and freebies. She's only one person. She can only do so much.

Still, Oprah is the top-earning celebrity in the country, with $255 million in income last year. In an age of near limitless possibilities, we could clone 35,294 Oprah Winfreys, and if each devotes all their income to paying off the deficit, the problem could be cured in a year. We can even hit up Tom Cruise to pay for the couches.

But if cloning is unpalatable, we can always turn to Wal-Mart. America's No. 1 retailer earned $258 billion last year. If America nationalizes the chain store, and it keeps earning at that level, we could pay off that debt in less than 36 years.

Of course, all that is assuming that Wal-Mart has zero expenses and that we could also finance that $9 trillion over the next 36 years with an interest-free loan.

Buck Wolf is entertainment producer at ABCNEWS.com. "The Wolf Files" is published Tuesdays. Valerie and Yury Wolf-Sonkin, his sister and brother-in-law, help him with his math.