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Rooms start at $250 a night. The hotel even offers $700 "White Wedding" packages.

If Your Lover's Still Obsessed With Janet Jackson …

Take an old football jersey, cut a whole out on one side, and greet him on Valentine's Day with a personal Super Bowl halftime show.

"That ought to give him a little shock and awe," says Liz Kelly, a dating coach and author of SMART Man Hunting.

Playing on an inside joke with your lover can stir up romance without breaking the budget, Kelly says. And as long as you don't plan on doing it on TV during the family hour, it's really your own business.

If Your Lover Is on Atkins …

You never want to say, "Happy Valentine's Day, You're Fat!" But you don't have to give up the simple joy of bringing chocolates to your carb-obsessed sweetheart.

The ever-expanding world of Atkins-compatible edibles now includes heart-shaped deluxe boxes of chocolate. The "Labrada Carbwatchers" collection offers a gourmet assortment of chocolates — Raspberry Creme, Pistachio Creme, Vanilla Creme, and Orange Creme.

If You And Your Lover Are Getting Fat …

The world is filled with spas, and most of them are filled with perfectly sculpted people who are bound to make you and your significant other feel more flabby and less significant than if you stayed on your couch.

However, if you have a pudgy partner and you're both serious about losing weight, the Doral Hotel in South Florida offers the ultra-deluxe "You Got Fat" spa package.

Consider the Doral's program, a $430-a-night fat camp that gives you world-class pampering after running your lazy butt ragged.