(Page 3 of 4)

Just for starters, Gabbard says Melfi may be the first female Hollywood shrink to keep her paws off her patients. "The female therapist almost always falls in love with her patient," he says, citing Ingrid Bergman in Spellbound and Barbra Streisand in The Prince of Tides as prime examples.

Gabbard teaches Psych 101, Sopranos-style, in his new book. In Chapter 1, "Bada Being and Nothingness," we learn that Tony is not a psychopath, even though he's a ruthless thug.

"Tony suffers from anxiety and depression after he lies and cheats and steals," Gabbard says. "A psychopath typically wouldn't."

Who are the Soprano family psychopaths? Tony's rivals Richie Aprile and Ralph Ciforetto, Gabbard says. They're self-absorbed and kill without compunction.

In the long run, will psychiatry help Tony?

"Tony's making slow progress," Gabbard says. "But I predict he will die before he finishes with therapy," Of course, that might be true for most of us.

Premium Video: Loraine Bracco on Good Morning America

Sopranos Gospel — You can learn a lot about Christianity at the Bada Bing, according to Pastor Chris Seay of Houston, author of The Gospel According to Tony Soprano (Relevant Books).

You might think The Sopranos would offend a minister with its graphic violence, foul language and sex. What's more, the show airs on Sunday.

But Seay urges viewers to look beyond the depravity for important lessons. He says Tony is like the biblical King Solomon. Both have tremendous wealth and power. Still, they inwardly feel weak and empty.

"Tony is a powerless father," Seay says. "He can't stop torturing himself because he thinks he's failing them [his children], just as his mother and father failed him."

Seay calls Big Pussy "the Judas Iscariot of the New Jersey mob" for betraying Tony and becoming an FBI informant.

Tony's only shot at happiness is to seek God, the pastor says. Therapy alone can't help, says Seay. He paints an unflattering portrait of Dr. Melfi, who attempts to heal Tony and "other misguided patients" without "possessing a true sense of the illness in her own life."

Seay describes Melfi's tendency to drink bourbon before seeing patients as "only the beginning of her ethical dilemmas."

"She sits in a place of perceived power, but, like Tony, finds herself weak and bankrupt."

If only Tony could read The Gospel According to Tony Soprano. Being compared to Soloman might finally cheer him up.

Sopranos Lingo — If you think a "goohmah," is the person married to your grandpa, you'll need The Sopranos: A Family History (Warner Books) by Alan Rucker, the most exacting of all episode guides.

A goohmah is a mistress, and every "made guy" in the Sopranos crew has one.

Here's a couple of other lessons in singing Soprano:

Large — $1,000, as in "You owe me 50 large." Buttlegging — Bootlegging untaxed cigarettes. Guest of the State — A convicted criminal Stugots — Testicles. Also the name of Tony's boat. Wearing It — Dressing in traditional gangster attire, with a shiny suit, hankie, pinky ring, gold cufflinks and other ornaments. Silvio and Paulie are always "wearing it." Mortadella — A total loser. Wonder Bread WOP — An assimilated Italian-American.