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8. For the Annoying Travel Companion: An Emergency Hammer

Every holiday, you travel. And every year, that neurotic relative stresses about the speed of the car/snow on the ground/holiday traffic (you pick). Give him this emergency hammer.

When the car hurtles over a bridge and you're all trapped under water, he can tap his way to freedom (after he says "I told you so"). At $19.95, the emergency hammer features a double steel tip to shatter windows, a razor-sharp knife to slice through seat belts and a built-in rescue beacon. (Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Ted Kennedy)

9. For the Dirty Old Man: A Beard Vacuum

You gotta love Uncle Arthur. The man looks good in everything he eats. But those sugarplums in his grizzled beard are from last Christmas. The venerable Wahl Clipper Corp. has come to the rescue. The $59 Trim 'n' Vac allows you to groom those whiskers without leaving hair in the sink. Maybe now, Aunt Bessie will take him back. (Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Osama bin Laden)

10. For the Honeymooners: Time-Release Handcuffs

Talk about the old ball and chain: Now you can test your relationship with time-release handcuffs for couples. Timecuffs are not standard-issue police accessories. Manufacturer Shea Masters says these manacles were inspired by a night he spent accidentally handcuffed to his spouse, and claims his product can improve any relationships. The "Honeymoon" model ($129.95) keeps a couple connected for seven fun-filled hours. The "Bind Date" ($119) model lasts long enough for a dinner and a movie. (Suggested Celebrity Endorsement: Tom Cruise while lashed to Nicole Kidman)

11. For the Crazy Cat Lady: Pet Spa Vacations

We all know how important it is for Kitty to have a $50 holistic massage. So do the folks at Las Ventanas al Paraiso, in Los Cabos, Mexico, where John Travolta, Jon Bon Jovi and Cindy Crawford vacation. You and your pet can join the beautiful people — for $550 a night.

At this world-class spa, licensed masseuses are ready to give fancy felines and pampered pooches stress-reducing, full-body massages and paw manicures. The restaurant features separate menus for Fido and Fluffy, serving albacore tuna, poached salmon and braised beef over rice in bejeweled bowls.

If you want to send your pet off on his own — and can't bear saying the word "kennel" — check out The Golden Paw in San Diego. In this $60-a-night, pets-only hotel, a kitty can luxuriate in a deluxe suite, overlooking a birdfeeder, complete with an aquarium, TV tuned to Animal Planet, and someone who'll sit in a rocking chair and pet the precious little darling so he won't miss you.